[The thought of it alone is horrifying beyond words to her, so much so that her voice could practically be a sob. But what does that matter in the end? She still hurt him. She still killed him. Nothing changes that, most especially her feelings.]
[ jude, humiliated, presses the balls of his fists to his eyes to make a pathetic attempt at hiding the fact that he's getting a bit choked up. his emotions are so overwhelming he can't stop them from spilling over. he couldn't stop them if he tried. his chest c
none of this is fair. none of it. 2b doesn't deserve this. 9s doesn't deserve this. nobody deserves this, it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair— ]
[There's no denial. So much of her existence has been tied to this single, repeated act, there's no point in even trying to pretend otherwise. In a way, there's almost something relieving for Jude to know. Even now 9S isn't upset with her for what she did. With Jude, at least someone is.
But there's something almost cruelly funny about that too. Can she ever simply care about someone, without having to hurt them too? She never would've wanted to upset Jude like this, but how could she not when he wanted the truth and deserved it?]
It's like I said. You won't like me. You shouldn't. [Why someone like her is the last person who deserves his admiration.] I should leave.
[There's no way she could possibly comfort him, as much as it pains her to see him so upset. But she thinks remaining with him will only hurt him more.]
[He's not looking at her, but she smiles at him anyways. Softly, gently, nearly heartbroken. She can scarcely breathe with how much it hurts. To lose her friendship with Jude is something that hurts more than she ever would've imagined. But ultimately, she thinks this is for the best. This isn't something that can be forgiven. She doesn't deserve forgiveness.
So she pulls her arm gently from him as she stands.]
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[The thought of it alone is horrifying beyond words to her, so much so that her voice could practically be a sob. But what does that matter in the end? She still hurt him. She still killed him. Nothing changes that, most especially her feelings.]
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[ jude, humiliated, presses the balls of his fists to his eyes to make a pathetic attempt at hiding the fact that he's getting a bit choked up. his emotions are so overwhelming he can't stop them from spilling over. he couldn't stop them if he tried. his chest c
none of this is fair. none of it. 2b doesn't deserve this. 9s doesn't deserve this. nobody deserves this, it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair— ]
But you did. You did.
[ his voice is wet and so very, very small. ]
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[There's no denial. So much of her existence has been tied to this single, repeated act, there's no point in even trying to pretend otherwise. In a way, there's almost something relieving for Jude to know. Even now 9S isn't upset with her for what she did. With Jude, at least someone is.
But there's something almost cruelly funny about that too. Can she ever simply care about someone, without having to hurt them too? She never would've wanted to upset Jude like this, but how could she not when he wanted the truth and deserved it?]
It's like I said. You won't like me. You shouldn't. [Why someone like her is the last person who deserves his admiration.] I should leave.
[There's no way she could possibly comfort him, as much as it pains her to see him so upset. But she thinks remaining with him will only hurt him more.]
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[ but before she can, he reaches out to grasp her sleeve. ]
Just—
Just give me some time to think. Okay? I'll... I'll come to you when I'm ready. I don't know when that will be, but... I promise.
[ he ducks his head, hiding his face. he can't even look at her. ]
I'm sorry, 2B.
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[He's not looking at her, but she smiles at him anyways. Softly, gently, nearly heartbroken. She can scarcely breathe with how much it hurts. To lose her friendship with Jude is something that hurts more than she ever would've imagined. But ultimately, she thinks this is for the best. This isn't something that can be forgiven. She doesn't deserve forgiveness.
So she pulls her arm gently from him as she stands.]
Goodbye, Jude.
[And she walks away.]
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he can't recall the last time something hurt this much. ]
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